Farewell Brunch vs After Party with Erin McLean

If you have a decision to make about whether or not to do a late night after party or a farewell brunch - this is the episode for you. Maybe you’re lucky enough to do both but if you have to choose one, hopefully this episode will help you with that decision. Erin McLean joined me for this episode. She is a Carolina based wedding planner. And we had an opportunity to chat about all the benefits of both of these events.

Erin starts off by explaining her experience working through some of these decisions. “So, what I what I have found with about 90% of our clients, they're planning an after party or a farewell brunch, or a lot of times both. And what's so fun about it is our clients really want to focus on creating this, like wedding weekend experience for their guests. So it's not just come to the ceremony and the reception. It's that they're really wanting to create this time where their guests have traveled in and really show them their favorite things. Maybe it's their favorite restaurants or food or whatever that is. By doing multiple events throughout the weekend, it allows them to really play around with different themes and thoughts. It's just a really fun thing. We love doing an after party and a farewell brunch or, or both. Or either or.”

I have had similar encounters with my couples. Most are doing it for the experience factor and the quality time together. If you're having just your wedding day, you have five, maybe six hours to spend with however many people you have there. That's kind of stretching yourself .Then you're not having quality time with these people who are nearest and dearest to you. It can take the pressure off of you as the couple. So without having a receiving line, and spending an hour circulating the room in the reception during dinner, you can still maximize the time with your guests.

Erin continued by sharing that “probably the number one benefit to additional time together is that you can extend your wedding day or the length of the wedding evening. It gives yourself that much more time and being able to skip that go by every table or the receiving line.” Which we agree that we can't remember the last time I did receiving line.

We talked about why an after party is a great option for so many couples. We don't want to drunk guys & girls dancing to the band. Right? That's never a way to end the wedding. We want to end the wedding when guests are chanting for the band to play more. So excited to keep dancing, right? So maybe end your wedding at, say 11 o'clock, for the main reception part of it. And then people are like, ooh, we want more, we want more. Then we say, oh, but just kidding. Here's another space that we've created for you to come in! We've created a different atmosphere, things like that. Or we're able to just extend the party because you know, that's your crowd, right? Usually, we're bringing your remaining crowd into a room with a really awesome DJ, and we've changed the lighting, we've swapped out glasses for neon cups or things like that. It's really fun. And I think that's why couples love it.  

There's typically a huge cost benefit to doing it this way. If you've got a great band, you could spend quite a bit on those extended hours. However, doing a DJ separately, is typically going to cost you a little, yet quite a bit less after just those last additional two hours. There's an awful lot of benefit there. I also think the other cost benefit is at that point will usually switch to consumption bar, because drinking is going to go down and there are less people. So I do think that after parties don't need to break the bank. I mean, we've definitely done them. Where we've done them inside someone's indoor pool and covered the pool, with neon and blinking ice cubes , cirque dancers and all that which was amazing. But it doesn't need to be that it. It could be where the DJ comes out in the main space and just starts playing.

When trying to decide about an after party, the cost can certainly be a factor. It’s possible that after the cocktail hour, the DJ could set up in there. The decor is likely already set-up, so then you don’t have to create a whole second setting. And if you're having a band, the band needs to break down. So the most important question to make sure that you ask your band, if you're doing it in the same space is “What time's break down?” Because you don't want that happening when all your guests are in there.

If you're forced into that situation, the best thing you could possibly do is have the DJ come set up the same time as a band. So his setup is already there, on the opposite side of the room, the opposite side of the dance floor. You really have to work your diagram hard to make this happen. Hopefully you have a planner . So your guests turn from facing the band to facing the DJ. You just have to think of all of these things ahead of time. But in in, well, just putting it out there. If you have a planner involved, they're gonna think of these things for you. But if you're doing this on your own, it is possible, you just really have to set yourself up for success with this. 

We continued talking about the benefits (late night food!) and the harder parts of after parties. I think this is where you can really have fun at late night food. Like with the menu, the one thing I will say is stations tend to not work at an an after party unless they send a yummy scent across the room. Erin says, “So what I love to do is have servers, where they put on some really cool led bow ties and serve your guests. You can have a station set up with burgers, and sliders, or whatever, or a taco bar setup. Maybe 20% of your guests are going to see it. At that point, we really do want to feed your guests if they're drinking till two in the morning. You can get super creative with food and have have such a fun time with that.

All the things that you didn't get to serve at cocktail hour are great to serve at late night. All those things that maybe aren't appropriate for a nice elegant wedding during cocktail hour. You can sneak in the little mini dogs and french fries. This is where you do it.

“For example, last year, we had a couple that got engaged at the State Fair, which was really precious, and they had the greatest engagement photos. So their save the dates had a picture of them and like doing some really cute, bright colored stuff in the background. And obviously, that wasn't gonna work for their wedding wedding reception, but we did Fair Food at the after party. And it was that's so much fun. And if you think your guests like a funnel cake at one in the morning, when they've been dancing for the past and the greatest thing of their life. So yeah, and play around with it. I think, again, when we're talking about experience for your guests, when you can surprise them with a different event that they're not expecting. It's It's so much fun.

An after party can be such a fun surprise when they realize that there is another party. If you move the party to a second room there is a good portion of people that are not going to stay. They may come in for 10 minutes, but then you're gonna lose a good portion of the people who just want to have a peek, you know, absolutely say for a few minutes. So it is a safe time to go to a consumption bar.

Erin shared with us a really fun thing she had last year: Silent discos make me so happy. We did a really big event and had an awesome band. And we had curtains hung that looks like mimicked columns. And then we had two DJs behind there. And as soon as the band stopped, everyone thought the event was over and we pulled back the curtains. And like servers came around with trays of headsets for silent discos and silent DJ stuff. And it was such a hit. We had LED trays and found such a good deal on them at Oriental Trading.

The after party is a great place to do all those things that are not quite as elegant and sophisticated. They're just straight up fun. And that you might be a little bit too nervous that it might be seen as tacky or cheesy or any of those things. All that goes out the door with an after party for sure.  

I think the one precaution of an after party. Inevitably, at every single after party we've done there's one or two really intoxicated guests, because they've been drinking and if you're serving hard liquor that can you know, people aren't used to drinking for that long. Some people are some people just can't hang which is normal. We have had situations where we've had to ask those guests to leave. Unfortunately, they situation we had to have like security take somebody out. So I do think at that point, especially if you're doing a private home event you have gotten to either have, you know, just regularly dressed police officers off duty police officers will do it for you. Somebody if you're not at like a main hotel venue, but security should be there at some point. Not to be like the debbie downer. But just in case something happens. God forbid you don't want them going up to you as newlyweds and saying like, what should we do with this?  

I think it’s smart to consider no shots. Sometimes we'll switch to just beer and wine and maybe like a fun passed signature drink. But yeah, I would just say your guests are not used to marathon drinking. So I think it's important that, you know, we don't set your guests up to embarrass themselves because no one wants that either. So that's the one thing I would say think about. Another note with that with the drinking is that you have to consider, especially if you are doing a destination wedding where people are coming in traveling over different seasons, or temperatures. If you're going to somewhere that is, let's say nice, warm beach front, like that kind of thing, where they are going to be at the beach in the pool all day, before they come to your wedding. Yes, drinking on that is entirely different from any other time. Same goes for when you go up to the mountains, you know, in the same oxygen level. So there's so much to think about with that. So take into consideration if you are having a nine hour party, after people have had a full day already. Everything gets consumed differently Their bodies are not accustomed to this. So this is very much a time to have water behind the bar or a hydration station. But if you can have water passed as well, it goes so far. It’s important to remember water and a high carb snack. A cookie goes a wall at the very end of the night.

Let’s transition to farewell brunch now. Let’s break down some of the reasons to do a farewell brunch. Erin loves a farewell brunch.  “Because again, it's just another point at which it takes the pressure off of the couple to socialize with everyone at the wedding reception. I love that it's last. You know, it's a final fond farewell for your guests. I also think it's just a way to take the guesswork out of your guests like so if they have a flight at 11am. They don't need to worry about where are we going to get breakfast? How are we going to do all of that? Yeah. I think the the thing about a farewell breakfast is, is always how, like, how do we time this? Like what time does it start? Who's always the hard part? Do you ask people to RSVP? And are they all gonna leave town before it happens? So I think those are the biggest timing and then like how many people will actually do it?”

 “It can be hard to figure out who will be coming, so RSVPs are necessary. Most of the time the guests are excited to come see everyone and they're excited for a free meal. They go anywhere. You know, like when you've had a really fun night the night before. There's nothing better than reliving it, you know, hopefully exactly that they will have. It’s not necessarily a big party, but a big conversation and everyone's just so excited to talk about what happened the night before. Give everyone that last hug. It’s just I think it's a great, great time to be together just one last time.”

Farewell breakfast is like your final hug for your guests, the event itself is like the the goodbye hug. If you are going to do a farewell brunch, Erin suggests two things.
1. It needs to go on your website

2. I also think if you can put in an agenda or guest guide of your wedding weekend, if you're doing multiple events. So if you're doing maybe you're doing welcome drinks, or welcome dinner, and then the reception and then the welcome brunch - put that on that invitation. I think it allows people to plan their travel better. And I think the other thing is, again, to reiterate your point, to get an RSVP, because if you're doing it at a hotel, or you're doing it at a restaurant we need to have final counts to give them.  

If you're having a local wedding, where most people are in town, most of them are not traveling, you can probably err on the side and go a little bit later. If you have guests coming from out of town a destination wedding, you may have already have kind of a clue on when most of the flights are for the day. You can use that as kind of a guide to pick the times. But I know that here, we usually shoot for that nine to 11 is typically like a really good time because, you know, unless they had the super early flight, they may be able to stop in even just for a few minutes to grab a croissant or a bagel and give you a hug.

If you’re worried about people heading to the airport after a destination wedding, you can do box breakfasts. It’s just being thoughtful. And it's a final memory for them of your wedding weekend. Although a boxed lunch won’t cover for mimosas and Bloody Marys. These aren’t a necessity either if you are trying to save. No one's going to choose their RSVP response based on alcohol at breakfast.

This is a good point to look at your overall wedding cost. And we're looking at numbers and where we're falling if you have a breakfast bar, but most of our I will always tell you to take it out, I will always give you that feedback. In the beginning too, I find that, particularly if you're doing an after party. So people are drinking till one or two in the morning, they may still be struggling in the morning. If it comes down to money, remember, people really don’t need it. One thing that we've done before in the past, which I think is really fun, we've brought in like a really cool espresso bar or something like that. So they can go up and order a latte or you know, Americana or something and it just get little, you know, coffee sleeves with their names on it, or whatever it is. There's an easy way to do that. That's just a cute addition, but not necessary.

 I asked Erin, “bottom line — If you personally had to choose between farewell brunch or breakfast, or after party if you were getting married again. Which after party?”

“After party. Totally after party all day long. Yeah. I would want you to need to sleep in after my wedding, you know. And so I just think, especially a surprise after party because I think you and I have been in events where there's a surprise after party and we're like Mind blown, like Mind blown. It's still going are you kidding? And yeah, get this second rush of adrenaline and excitement. And you're like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe that they did that that I'll never forget this night kind of thing. And the other another benefit to that is if you are ready to just leave for your mother, your mini moon or your honeymoon the next day and you're you really exhausted like you're done. I would say to your after party, I see so many, so much more in the benefit from that than I do from the farewell brunch. But if I can have both, I will absolutely. “

Erin continued, “With the after party, clearly, you have to include everyone. But for farewell brunch, you can do something smaller scale that's just like for your family or for just those who traveled so that it does not have to be an open invitation for all, if that's not something that you have in your spending plan. If again, if you're looking at numbers, it's another way. But again, you don't have to do either of these. But if you're in consideration for weekend wedding, we just want you to have all the points, you know, a lot of hotels, where we will do a room block has a breakfast included with their stay or something like that. So it doesn't necessarily have to be something that you're paying for. But I do think you can always ask the venue, is there a separate room where our guests could go get the breakfast and then come here too. So it doesn't necessarily need to be a hosted event? It could just be something that's available to your guests. And always ask your hotel? What would happen if people come back that aren't staying at the hotel? What's the cost? Usually, it's pretty inexpensive. It's usually about $15 to $20 per person or so. Yeah. So yeah, such a good point. “

I cannot stress enough that when you're doing these pre and post wedding parties, that it's about the experience that it is like so main, I would say 99.9% of my clients, when they fill out my form, I say, what prioritize prioritize all of these things. guest experience is number one 100% these are the things that make the guests experience. Number one, these are the things that make your guests go, “I just had the best weekend ever”. So it's not just about those four hours. It's about the whole. The way they felt the whole weekend. They just feel taken care of. And that's hospitality.

If you’d like to listen to this episode, you can do so here.