Boutonnieres vs Pocket Squares with Beth Chapman

With everyone so focused on the bride and what she’ll wear down the aisle, it’s important to remember to pay attention to the small details for the groom and his groomsman as well. The decision whether to have a boutonniere or a pocket square is something every wedding must consider.

It's not something everyone thinks about and that is exactly why we are doing this episode for you today. I have Beth Chapman of Beth Chapman Styling with me who is a bridal boutique owner and wedding stylist and she's going to chat with me about boutonnieres versus pocket squares. Beth Lindsey Chapman is a veteran of the fashion industry is known for her work as a bridal boutique owner, stylist mentor, author in wedding fashion consultant. After her 10 years of vice president of merchandising for Ann Taylor, her love of bridal fashion insincere desire to create a memorable shopping experience for brides compelled her to launch the white dress by the short, a Connecticut based luxury bridal boutique in 2004. Beth is also the founder of Beth Chapman styling and consulting in the consulting armor for business. She mentors other bridal store owners and wedding pros on elevating their brand and increasing their sales and business profitability. Education is a passion for Beth. She's an educator for wedding Pro, which is a division of the knot and wedding wire, and she empowers and educates fellow bridal store owners and wedding pros through her educational courses. The series 2.0 and simplified selling for wedding pros. That is also a sought after stylist through the styling arm of her business. She not only assists brides in selecting fashion for the wedding, and provides day of wedding dressing services. But she also works in publications and brands on styled editorial shoots. Best fashion artistry has allowed her to style editorial shoots throughout the world. In her words and work have been featured in countless bridal publications. She has also authored two books, the white dress and color in the white dress destinations. I know you're gonna especially love this episode. If you don't know the first thing about a pocket square, or boot near or why you should consider one versus the other, or both. In this episode, we'll also talk about how to properly prepare for wearing and caring for a boot near or pocket square for the best look possible.

Finally, we'll also talk about how this decision really is a personal one, and should ultimately come down to your personal style and what the attire is. Let's go ahead and get into this interview with Beth. For those listening, depending on when you're listening to this. We are in the middle of the Coronavirus epidemic. And there's a hurricane outside of my house. Hurricane Ada who well up to 2012. I mean seriously is 2020. This hurricane was a storm and it left yesterday afternoon. I woke up this morning and it had returned. Who does that? Return stronger, right? Yes. And now it's an actual hurricane. Oh, my goodness. But thank you so much for coming on this morning. I really appreciate it. And I did introduce you priority command line with me this morning. But because I feel like there's so many people who don't know what a bridal stylist is, is that what I call you a bridal stylist?

Yes - I’m a bridal stylist or a bridal dresser. They're sort of interchangeable terms.  

So you're only you're one of only two people that I know in the country that does this. And I've known you for a very long time. And I know how amazing you are this, but can you explain to everyone what exactly it is you do for your service? So they understand and because I think that's helpful for them to know. They understand why you're such an expert at boutonniere versus pocket squares, which is our ultimate goal to talk about today.

Yes, we are a team of our stylists with Beth Chapman Styling, provide day of wedding dressing service or styling services for couples. And I really describe it as have a fashion insurance policy for your wedding. Essentially, we're there to take care of any and all fashion emergencies, but also just to make sure that our couples look and feel beautiful on their wedding day, which is so important. Now the way that I often describe it to couples because people always say to me when they hear about this service and have no idea that it even existed. I wonder, how did I get through my wedding day without this and a lot of people do. But I definitely think it would be even more enjoyable if you had this service. People hire experts for all aspects of their wedding. They hire you as a wedding planner to make sure that the day runs smoothly and is designed to beautifully, you know, they hire a floral designer to take care of their floral needs. So why not hire someone to take care of all aspects of your fashion. So that's what we do. And we do everything from preparing the gown, or the the suits the tuxedos for dressing, pressing them, steaming them, depending on the fabric, we steam, all of the bridesmaids dresses and the mother of the bride dresses, we make sure that everything's labeled.

On the wedding day, we come with this huge kit with like everything you could possibly imagine. And I've had ones weddings, you some weddings that we barely use anything and I have other weddings, basically use every aspect of my kit, it just depends. We are there for the first look to make sure that the couple looks beautiful before they see each other for the same time. For the first time, you know, with a bride, if she has a veil, we reserve the veil for the ceremony, we'll have it ready for the ceremony. I like brides to not wear their veil for the first look, if they have a veil just so that they can have a different look when they walk down the aisle. And that veil always evokes the emotion right out of I love that.

Then when the bride is ready to walk down the aisle, we get the veil out and fluff everything. Make sure the veils perfect, make sure that the train is perfect. As she makes her way down the aisle, then we're there for portraits, whether they happen before the ceremony or after the ceremony, we really treat them like a styled shoot to make sure that everything is in place. And it really helps the photographer because it allows the photographer to focus on his or her job and in focusing on the lighting in the in the posing rather than like, “Oh my gosh, the hem is a little wrinkled, or let me stop everything so I can move from where I've perfectly positioned myself to go fix the bride's hair or the bride's gown.” All these little details help post production for the photographer, too, so they don’t have to photoshop as many little details.

 Beth talks further about provide styling services. So oftentimes, she’ll help the client select their fashion, but even if she wasn't involved in the fashion, she does have a background in garment fitting constructions. She continued, So I can be involved through the entire fitting process just to be sort of another set of eyes and ears as the brides working with the seamstress to make sure that everything's fitting perfectly and that everything's proportional. So there are no surprises when we get to the wedding day.

Then, we switched roles to talk about grooms, since they are our focus of the topic today. Bowties are a big thing that come up on the wedding day. They will ask me (Kelly) if I can tie it and I am the first to admit that I cannot. Beth continues, that's not even easy. Honestly. One of those things that once you learn how to do you can just do it. It's amazing, but it's not it's not a natural thing. It doesn't even watching a video you're like this makes no sense. I play a puzzle. Yes, we so we put we steam and or press the groom's suits if they need it, press shirts if they need it. I tie a lot of ties, bow ties, even regular ties. I've seen a shift towards more just regular neckties at weddings. And I'm amazed at how many men don't know how to even tie a necktie. So, um, you know, we've just moved away I think from formality a lot in in the world, especially lately. So yeah, tying lots and lots of ties. And just being there for pocket squares, which we're going to discuss or anything related to fashion on the inside as well.

It can depend on the number of members of the bridal party, and also the needs of the parties. So if we have before dealing with a couple that's a bride and a groom, and the groom side really cares about how all the groomsmen look, we'll have a stylist who's just dedicated to the groom side to you know, Polish shoes and press shirts and press suits and tie bow ties. And then a stylist dedicated to the bride side or you know, two stylists, one for the bride and one for the bridal party and the bridesmaids. It just depends on the needs of the wedding and how much care and attention they want to meet on the day.

There is a lot to consider when deciding on a pocket square. A pocket square is a piece of fabric, it can be cotton, it can be silk, that tucks into the breast pocket of the jacket and just sort of peeks out and it's a way to bring in incorporate a little bit of color or a little bit of pattern into the groom's attire on the wedding day and it just it helps to give the bride a little bit of of personality I always say that there's there's subtle ways to bring in color and pattern into a groom's attire especially if let's say he's into color or he wants to somehow have his sports team rack up you know represented on the wedding day and your significant other it's like oh please No no, you can do it through i love it i you know, for grooms I love them having pattern on their socks or some personality going in their socks. I love it if they incorporate a little bit of color or a little bit of pattern into the lining of their jacket if they're doing a custom suit. Or another way to do it is through a pocket square. So it's a great way to bring personality into your into your wedding day outfit.

 Pocket squares are all a personal preference. Oh, you know it can match the tie or if you're doing black tie but one a little pop of color that could or pattern that can come from the pocket square. Or if it's just an I even love a Chris white pocket square coming out of a classic black tuxedo, you know, it's just, it's just another way to show personality and interest in the groom's attire.

 I asked Beth, “Do you feel like there's an instance where you should, or should, where you should pick a boutonniere near over a pocket square, or vice versa? Beth gave us her insight by saying, I think it's honestly, there's several factors. First of all, it's a personal preference. Definitely. It's not that pocket squares aren't traditional, because certainly they are, you know, they've been around forever. And they're very classic and men's fashion. But a boot near is much more traditional when it comes to weddings. So it just is a matter of whether you want to have a nod to that tradition. If you do go with a boot near some things that are really important to consider are the type of flower that you're working with in the boot near. So it's really important to talk to your floral designer about this. And also the climate that you're in, you know, with you being in Florida, it's something to really consider for couples when they're choosing their floral, because it's hot, and the flower, you need a flower that's a little more durable that can hold up throughout the day. Or you may want to talk to your floral designer about having backups so that you can swap them out throughout the day, you know, I'd say this to our brides who who want also who want to wear a real flower in their hair on the wedding day. And it's like that's beautiful. But make sure you have backups. Because the last thing you want is, you know, pictures of you after dinner, and you've got a dead flower in your hair.

Choosing the right size of flower for the boutonniere or puling a singular flower from the bride’s bouquet is also a good idea to tie things together. Usually brides are really married, no pun intended, but to a certain flower that they're obsessed with that they really want to incorporate throughout their wedding. And they that might not be the best choice for the boutonniere near it might be too big, it may be so delicate that you know, usually in a wedding, when it's not a COVID time, there's a lot of hugging that takes place in a wedding, right. And what that's doing is it's squishing your boots near. So it needs to be a flower that has a little bit of body to it and can hold up to hold up to all of that activity. Or then you need to make sure that you have a backup in case because oftentimes, you know, the the boot near your you're doing your portraits after your ceremony. And you know, that's when a lot of the hugging is happening.

After the first glance that they do one, it's still usually in pretty good shape. But like you said, students that ceremony is over and you get to hugging before you are like just even when you're going to with your wedding party off to take your pictures, those are the people you're going to hug. And those can go down and out like that, just like that for all of the group photos. So it's just in that moment. So maybe that's a good time to consider. Okay, at that point, the dresser or the wedding planner comes over to like, fix all the boutonnieres that's something that has to get done. But if you had a pocket square, you wouldn't have to worry about it.

A little bit. Yeah, the thing to consider with your boot near is how tall your significant other is. your significant other is not that tall, and they're coming up to boot near height. That's tricky in the pictures because you don't want you have to move it around and you don't want to boot near in the person's face, right? Like it's just something to consider. Whereas where as a pocket square is, you know, more flushed to the, to the body and blends in a little bit more. So that's something to just think about as well. Even if the if the bride is on the other side of the of the boot near you just visually from the photographs. You also just don't want the boot near it necessarily in the same plane as the bride's head if she's very, very petite. Just he's very, very tall.

In the case of two grooms. I would say that it would be important to both do the same, like agree like not have one in a booth near and the other in a pocket square. I think that's a decision that should be made prior to. There is an opportunity for consistency and a chance to mix it up a bit. You know if if they're both opting for classic black tuxedos, which of course I love. I like that maybe have them have a different pocket square. I don't necessarily love when grooms match. Yeah, I just I think it's really important fashion is a way to show your personality. And so I think it's really important to show your personality for grooms as well particularly when there's two grooms involved that they don't look exactly the same.

I asked Beth, “What do you think about when it comes to the groom and the groom's party? Like do you feel like you should go the same all the way across? Or maybe just the groom has the boot near and everyone else just has a pocket square or opposite?” She responded, “I'm totally okay with that. You know, I like when, you know if if the the groom does a pocket square and they all do boutonnieres but it I feel like if you're gonna do a pocket square and no booth near it's really kind of a modern take and I'd rather see that through the entire bridal party.” It’s good to be consistence. 

I love men in pocket square. So like why not encourage them to not not necessarily for the wedding day, but just to wear them in general, you know. And the other thing to think about is it may not necessarily have to be an either or you potentially could do both so you could have the boutonniere for the ceremony and then switch to a pocket square for the reception or I love I love that idea bath.

Or I love when grooms switch their jackets up you know I love when they switch to a dinner jacket. Or even switch to a different jacket, take off the tie and just have a crisp white shirt. No tie, white jacket with a pocket square is a very sharp look. I’ve seen velvet jackets done well, although those can get a little hot in Florida. It’s like thinking about the bride’s second dress, but this is for the grooms.  

It's essentially a second look. And I especially if she has a second look, he should have a second look, he should switch it up in some way. And I think switching out the jacket and switching to a pocket square is a really easy way to do that. And then you don't have to worry about the dead flower problem, right? It’s okay to nix the boutonniere. It’s a little more relaxed and chic.

There are different kinds of folds to consider. Also, some look better on some suits or there's like folds for specific formalities? As with most things, is it just a matter of personal style and personal preference, just like there are different types of ties; different ways to tie a necktie, whether you want a single Windsor, double Windsor, that kind of thing. The same thing goes for a pocket square, you know, some people like just a really clean fold, where you just see a little peek of it. Sticking above the pocket, other people like it, you know, let it's a little bit like poofy and fluffy. It depends on a the material that you're using, and how it drapes and need just your personal preference and how you want it to look.

 The important thing is to make that decision to really think about that research or different options, make that decision and make sure that you know how to fold it that way on the wedding day. So there's no surprises. People really have to encourage their significant others to make that decision and not have it be a game time decision. Be prepared because that way you can work with whether it's you know, your custom clothier who's making who's making a custom suit for you or whether it's just the tuxedo rental store. They can walk you through your options of the pocket square and how to fold them so that you're prepared on the wedding day or they can deliver the jacket with it already folded in and I find a lot. I've even

I personally love pocket squares because I grew up with a dad, who always had a handkerchief and we called it his hanky. And he always had it in his pocket, always. And so whether you had to like you know, wipe your tears or we're in Colorado and whether or whether we were in the mountains and you had to go the bathroom and I had needed something. He always had his hanky and for me, it was such a gentlemanly thing. It pulls on my heartstrings a little bit.  

Another pro for the pocket square, is that you have that memento to keep after the day is done. I mean, you could put a dead flower in a shadow box, you know, not the same thing. It means think about you go on your first anniversary date or something and you wear suit. And you could put that pocket square in. And it's just that little, little thing that brings you back to that day. I love that.

There are so many great options and our job really is to make a well educated decision. But I think what it comes down to, it's a personal decision first. If you like the flower and it makes it thing feel more traditional, then go with it. But there's the whole tradition just like with the pocket square that that's the gentlemanly thing to have. And you know, it's it's also just very fashionable. And then when you are doing a boutonniere that you need to consider the suit the the weather, the environment, and how long it has to last. And potentially, consider having a back-up.

When you hire a stylists, you were hired to deal with the fashion. The planner puts it together, but the fashion really isn’t their job. And we really find that we are a photographer and a planners, who generally pick up the slack when there is no stylists. Even with a great bridal party, there can be issues that come up and a stylists helps with all those things like little rips in spots and straps that break off of, you know, bridesmaids dresses and things like that that just happened so often. 

To listen to this episode, click here.